Things I wish I Would Have known Going In To Parenthood

As a Parent and a Nurse, there has been one major thing I’ve learned. Kids keep us guessing and on our toes! Below are some things I wish I would have known rather than experiencing on the go!

Bored Kids

Kids tend to become mischievous when they have excess energy to burn or get bored. If you notice behaviors, bickering or kids that don’t listen, before getting frustrated, try giving them a physical activity.

Have the kids run 5 laps around the house.

Have a contest, who can do 100 jumping jacks first.

Turn on music videos and dance as a family or have a dance challenge. We enjoy Fortnite dance challenges.

Do a short kids workout. Pick 6 exercises. Complete each for 45 seconds with a 15 sec rest. You could do jumping jacks, running in place, Bear crawl, crab walk, frog jumps and planks .

Go for a family walk, bike ride or play a sport in the yard.

Outdoor and indoor trampolines are good for burning energy (make sure you have safety precautions that are functioning properly if you use trampolines). They happen to be one of the number one injuries Emergency Rooms see in summer.

On those rainy days sometimes you just need to let your kids be kids! Let them play and run in the rain!

Electronics aren’t always the answer!

First thing, kids become attached to electronics just like adults. It can affect their behavior negatively . During the pandemic it was almost impossible to avoid electronics because class was online. I noticed a change in our sons behavior immediately. He was talking back more, he had an attitude, he was negative, lacked interest in doing other things and he would ignore us when we were talking to him. I didn’t really recognize him with how he was acting.

I did not make our iPad off limits completely. Only because electronics still have some benefits for learning. The first step I took was enforcing some rules with our iPad. I deleted YouTube, because many of the “gamers” he watched were immature and talked negative. We stopped allowing electronics at meals. We set time limits and only allowed him to watch children’s shows on Netflix or Disney plus. We also allowed games on Epic Kids because they are educational from his school account. I couldn’t believe the change it made in his behavior by these small tweaks.

Movie Nights. So much more than just a movie!

Have a family Movie Night. Eat snacks and watch a movie together. After, talk about the movie and any feelings that your kids felt or something they learned. Sunday nights, we watch America’s Funniest Home Videos! Vin reminds me every night and he laughs and giggles through the show. That’s something money can’t buy!

Art activities!

Let your kids pick a type of art project your family should do. Have everyone participate.

Conversations

The most important times to talk deeply is within 5 minutes of waking up, 5 minutes of being back together as a family and within 5 minutes of going to bed. Focus on feel good conversations and expressions of caring and love.

The most convenient times to have a conversation is at meal times or riding in the car. Create an environment for communication. Family is all together and electronics should be off to prevent distraction.

A good way to get info is by asking open ended questions. Here are some examples:

Tell me about your day?

What was your favorite/worst part of your day?

What are you thankful for?

What tough choices did you make today?

What made you smile or laugh today?

What did you learn today?

The questions don’t always have to be serious. Just ask them creative questions to get them to open up!

If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

If you could be a super hero, who would you pick and why?

Talking is important for kids to develop speaking and listening skills. It can increase their self esteem. Creative questions allow their minds to think wildly! It will help improve your relationship because they see how much you care about what they have to say. When your child is use to talking, they will be more likely to discuss uncomfortable subjects when they need to open up.

Reading and/or Singing

Reading and songs are good for development! Better yet, it increases family bonding. Before bed, I rock Beau and either read or sing country songs. It helps relax his body and mind to prepare for sleep.

Beau and I love this song. #favorite: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Je_24df8BZs Chris Young, “Who I Am With You”

I recorded myself singing and reading books. Now, Erin, Vin or Beau can listen to it when they miss me or just so they have something to remember me by if something were to happen to me.

Tantrums and Coping Mechanisms

As parents it’s our job to figure out what our children’s behaviors mean or teach our children coping strategies. I’m no expert and I’m learning as my kids grow.

The hardest part of parenting for me was understanding why my kids are having a tantrum. Humans are born without knowing how to communicate their needs. Crying and tantrums are simply their way of communicating they need something. They are not purposely trying to behave this way to irritate you. Kids are also born without coping mechanisms. This can come out in rage and frustration when they don’t get their way.

Babies and toddlers are easier than school aged children to figure out what they need. Most times they are hungry, tired or need their diaper changed. Pain, well, pain is hard to tell in younger children. As a nurse, I assess and figure it out. If you don’t have a medical background please call your Physician.

Older children can show the same behaviors for the same reasons, plus many more. Vin is in elementary school and is the sweetest most caring child. He does have some occasions when he lets his frustrations show. Not getting his way is sometimes the cause. He has had episodes where he gets so frustrated or sad that he will cry uncontrollably. He also has had times where he is so anxious over something that it affects how he behaves. COVID-19 quarantine has been a challenge for him.

School aged children are more of a challenge. Every child is an individual. They all experience different emotions and challenges. When children are in a state of anxiety or panic, you cannot talk and rationalize with them. They will not be able to process your words. Your first goal needs to make sure YOU are calm so you can focus on calming them down. The time to talk and provided assistance is when they are calm.

My first attempt at a solution was to let him cry and settle himself down. The behavior seemed to go on forever and it was heartbreaking to hear him struggling.

I decided to try something different.

Next, I would tell him, once you calm down, I will come talk with you. Let me know when you’re ready. Once he would start to settle down, we talked about why he is having behaviors, feelings and found alternates to solve his frustrations.

Next. I built on this solution.

When he gets to this point of frustration, I hug and hold him. I tell him he’s safe and to focus on breathing. Then we talk. We make sure to discuss why he is acting this way and alternatives to try. I was impressed just how much telling him “he’s safe” and hugging him calms him.

I’ve never really took the time to practice anxiety management until I noticed Vin had some anxiety. I’m creatively adding physical activities into our day such as races around the house, and short 3-5 minute workouts. Erin and I have started practicing breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation with Vin. He finds more humor in it and can’t quite take it serious. We will keep practicing but it’s good to introduce it at a young age.

Failing is Success

It’s tough but kids need to learn how to fail. They also need to know that it’s okay to fail. I don’t recall learning this lesson as a child (I’m sure I did at some point). I never thought of failure as a good thing because I was competitive. It all depends on your frame of mind.

Think about it like this….

Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up. Whether you fail or succeed, you have the courage and strength to try. This means you are a winner! The only time you truly fail is when you refuse to get back up.

“I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison.